See Want Have
by dawneh
Summary: Carrying on the Correcting where t'Oaks writers went wrong theme That Started with Kiss Me & Hannah's Birthday I present a new rewrite When Craig sees John Paul snogging Spike outside the Dog it awakens feelings he had been trying to ignore
1. Chapter 1

The door to the Dog in the Pond opened as three friends made their way from the pub. Sarah held on tightly to the arm of her boyfriend as her pretty blonde friend trailed behind.

"So, we going to the loft?" Craig asked hopefully.

"Maybe we can wait for a minute," Hannah replied looking back towards the pub. Craig and Sarah both tried to stifle their sighs. As much as they loved their good friend her constant obsession with John Paul McQueen, her one time boyfriend, was starting to wear a bit thin. The guy was gay and it really was time Hannah came to terms with the fact.

"Oh he'll find us," Sarah reasoned as she squeezed tightly onto Craig's arm.

Hannah looked at her best friend and realised, once again, that she was only in the way. When Sarah was with Craig she had little time for anyone else. When Hannah had been dating John Paul things were different. It had been the four of them and everything had been perfect. But that all changed the day John Paul admitted he was gay and Hannah had been left out in the cold.

"Actually, you know what… I'm tired… you go…" Hannah's words died on her lips as a movement on the small wooden bridge caught her eye. In an instant Hannah felt her heart torn out as she watched John Paul, the beautiful blonde man she was still unable to get over, in a tight embrace with Spike, the annoyingly smug dark haired DJ.

With a small whimper of pain Hannah turned and ran back into the pub. Following her eye line Sarah spotted the cause of her friends anguish and quickly followed her.

Craig was left standing in the doorway of his families pub watching his best friend in the arms of a man he, quite frankly, didn't much like.

Spike's kiss was firm and hot as it pressed against John Paul's mouth and with each passing second the man pulled him closer until their bodies were melded together.

John Paul's experience was limited and with other men it was virtually non-existent. But Spike had a confidence that he found intoxicating and, the harder Spike kissed him the more John Paul wanted it. John Paul's lips parted as Spike's tongue pushed its way inside the heat of his mouth, exploring and tasting every inch until John Paul's body trembled with a pent up desire.

Craig stood motionless, hardly blinking, hardly breathing. He knew he shouldn't be watching what was happening on the bridge but at the same time he felt unable to look away. A feeling raged through his stomach and he tried to tell him it was nausea at seeing his best friend in such a clinch, but he wasn't convinced that he was telling himself the truth. There was another feeling running deeper than that and if Craig had taken the time to think about it he would have know its name. That feeling was jealousy.

John Paul was left panting and flushed as Spike pulled away from their kiss and he instantly missed the feeling of Spike's lips against his, the taste of Spike's tongue in his mouth. Something niggled at the corner of John Paul's mind urging him to look towards the pub and as he did he saw the dark figure of Craig Dean standing there, watching him.

Craig Dean, the first man John Paul had fallen in love with. His best friend. The man who had said he loved him and then hated him. The man who had kissed him and then punched him. The man who made John Paul's heart race simply by entering a room and made it break by leaving again. Craig Dean, the man who could only ever be John Paul's friend.

"Craig…" John Paul spoke the name quietly and took a step forwards but Spike caught hold of his arm.

Realising he had been spotted Craig turned and raced from the pub. For a second he thought that John Paul was going to follow him but instead he remained with Spike and that unnamed feeling rose inside Craig once more.

"Let him go," Spike said gently.

"But he…" There had been something about the look in Craig's eyes that concerned John Paul.

"Look," Spike reasoned, "It takes time… for mates to get used to you being gay… and seeing you snogging another guy… well it's gonna be a bit weird for him…"

"I suppose," John Paul agreed, his words more convinced than his heart. It hadn't just been discomfort at seeing his friend with another man that John Paul had seen in the darkness of Craig's eyes. There had been something else, he just wasn't sure what.

Craig lay back on his bed staring at the ceiling. Every time he closed his eyes he could see John Paul in a passionate embrace with that dark haired DJ and every time he recalled that image it made him feel even more uncomfortable.

Craig sighed; he was being ridiculous he knew that. John Paul was gay, he knew that. John Paul would naturally find a boyfriend, Craig even knew that. What Craig didn't know, or at least what he hadn't known, was how he was going to feel about that fact.

John Paul had once confessed his love for Craig, they had even shared a drunken kiss and now, it seemed, all of that love had been relocated to a man Craig hardly knew. A man John Paul hardly knew. What kind of a name was Spike anyway? What kind of a man was he?

Craig rubbed his hands over his face and closed his eyes. The very second he did the image of John Paul filled his mind again, but this time it wasn't Spike that was being held in the blonde man's arms.

John Paul lay back on his bed staring at the ceiling. It had been a strange night and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Getting back Craig's friendship had felt so good and he had tried his hardest to accept that it was only friendship on offer, tried to convince himself that friendship was enough.

Spike had been a wonderful distraction from Craig. His dark mysterious eyes and strong, confident manner had quickly won John Paul over. The man seemed to ooze sex appeal and John Paul hadn't been immune to his charms.

When Spike had grabbed him and kissed him on the bridge it had made John Paul's heart race with excitement. Kissing Spike felt so good, so natural and right and his body had reacted most favourably.

Realising that Craig had seen the kiss made John Paul feel awkward and it wasn't just that his best friend had seen him snogging another man as Spike had assumed. As crazy as it sounded John Paul felt guilty that Craig had seen him with Spike, he had felt as if he had been caught cheating on Craig.

John Paul laughed to himself and closed his eyes. A beautiful dark haired man filled his mind. But it wasn't Spike.

As hard as he tried Craig couldn't shake the picture of John Paul from his mind. Two piercing blue eyes looked at him intently and, unlike any other eyes Craig had ever known, these ones saw him, really saw him. They saw every weakness and every strength in him and they loved him despite those things, because of those things.

Craig heard a small whimper and it took a second to realise the sound had come from his throat. He bit his lip nervously and in doing so he imagined he could feel the pressure of warm lips against his. Soft lips that kissed him tenderly and with love. Hot lips that kissed his with desire and passion. Strong lips that kissed him with need and urgency. John Paul's lips.

Craig's eyes sprung open but the image wouldn't go away. As he stared into the semi darkness of the room Craig could still see John Paul's face and he could still feel his kiss. Craig swallowed heavily as he tried to understand the emotions raging through him but there was no understanding to be found.

To admit he felt jealousy over Spike would mean admitting so much more. To admit he hadn't been able to stop thinking about kissing John Paul and holding John Paul for the last two hours would suggest something unthinkable. And to admit that the growing hardness in his jeans was solely the result of thinking about John Paul, well that really was something that Craig couldn't face.

John Paul tried desperately to picture Spike's face but the man's features kept on blurring and distorting until they became the ever so familiar visage that he had dreamed about so often.

Those two dark eyes with the unfathomably long lashes that always seemed to look deeper into him than anyone else's ever had. That soft smile that would illuminate the beautiful face as it broke into a rich laugh.

That man. That infuriating man that drove John Paul to distraction. That man that annoyed him, confused him, amused him, puzzled him and made him feel truly alive.

"Oh Craig," John Paul breathed into the stillness of his room.

Why had he fallen for the one man he couldn't have? Why had he fallen for his best friend? Why the hell had he fallen in love with Craig Dean?

John Paul sighed as he remembered, for the millionth time, that all too brief kiss they had shared in the school gym. For one moment in time John Paul had felt complete. Craig's lips pressing against his only seconds after Craig had told him that he loved him and felt like heaven. Craig's hands shoving him away and Craig's face twisted with disgust had been total hell.

But that was all behind them now. They were friends again, just friends, nothing more. John Paul had Spike and he knew that this was a relationship that would be easy, comfortable and fun.

But it wasn't Craig. And as hard as John Paul tried to convince himself otherwise he was still very much in love with that gorgeous young man.

A soft moan echoed through Craig's bedroom. It sounded like a combination of a terrible pain and an immense pleasure and in many ways that is exactly what it was.

Craig had tried to stop thinking about John Paul. He had tried not to imagine the feel of his lips pressing hot and hungry against his mouth. He had tried to ignore the thought of John Paul's tongue pushing into his mouth and possessing him completely. He had tried to shake away the idea of John Paul's warm hand slipping into his jeans and stroking gently at the firmness nestled there.

Craig had tried, and he had failed.

Every inch of his consciousness was consumed with John Paul and with an overwhelming need to touch him, to taste him, to hold him and to be held by him.

As the thoughts raced through Craig's mind, and vibrated through his body, his own hand wandered unbidden to his aching groin and touched him in the way John Paul was doing in his head.

Craig's mind was filled with the vivid images of John Paul and he finally gave in to the fantasy and let it envelope him.

John Paul paced his room with frustration. He had finally met a lovely guy who seemed to be genuinely interested in him, and lets face it was damn hot, and all he could think about was Craig.

Even though he had kissed Spike just a couple of hours ago it was the feeling of Craig's lips that John Paul remembered. It was the feeling of Craig's mouth that John Paul wanted. And it was the feeling of Craig's body that John Paul craved.

Falling back onto his bed John Paul let out a pitiful sigh. He had to admit the truth, at least to himself. Craig was always going to be in his head. Craig was always going to be the first person he thought of in the morning and the last person he thought of as he fell asleep at night. Craig was always going to be the one who dominated his waking hours and crept deliciously into his dreams.

And it was the thoughts of Craig that were making his jeans uncomfortably tight, his heart race and his breathing heavy and laboured. Just like it was Craig's hand he pictured unfastening his jeans and slipping hotly inside to caress the growing ache hidden there.

John Paul's mouth pressed hard against Craig's eager lips, their tongue battling for domination inside the heat of their mouths as clothing was torn from desperate flesh.

Hands roamed over every inch of bare flesh, touching, stroking, teasing, until both men were panting with the overwhelming need for each other.

"John Paul," the name came from Craig's lips in a broken whimper as strong fingers curled around the throbbing of his cock.

"God Craig…" John Paul breathed as Craig's hand gripped his erection firmly making him moan with pleasure.

Craig arched his back as the heat of John Paul's hand moved over his cock, stroking its length before pausing to tease over its head with a slow circular pass of his thumb.

John Paul held his breath as Craig grip tightened, pulling back his foreskin to reveal the smooth pink head beneath, already glistening with droplets of precum as the hand eased back along his length.

Craig's fingers curled into his bedclothes as John Paul's hand moved faster over his cock. Stimulating him in a way no other person had ever managed. Making every inch of his body ache and his cock throb with the need for a release, with the need for John Paul.

John Paul's head pressed deeply into his pillow as his body shook with the pleasure of Craig's hand on his cock, touching him, stroking him and wanting him. He moaned loudly, trying to stifle the sound, as the feeling of Craig sent his body into spasms of absolute pleasure.

Craig threw his arm across his face, biting down on it to stop his cries as his cock pulsed hotly in the strong hand that held it and his body convulsed with the intensity of the climax that ripped through it.

John Paul's body shook violently as his orgasm shuddered through his flesh pouring from his throbbing cock in a heated tribute to his desires for Craig.

It was two o'clock in the morning and in separate beds, in separate homes two young men shared similar thoughts.

Lying panting on their beds, their bellies covered with hot semen, they both knew that they had to see each other, they had to talk and they had to sort out what they were feeling.

What they didn't know was that they were both thinking the same. What they didn't know was that they were both feeling the same. And what they didn't know was what exactly they should do next.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright love? Craig's just upstairs." Frankie's tone was light and welcoming as John Paul entered the pub. He was just calling around to see his best mate, John Paul reasoned to himself, that's all, just like he did every day, nothing had changed.

Except that everything had changed.

John Paul's heart thumped heavily in his chest as he ascended the stairs that led up to the flat, that led up to Craig. He still wasn't sure what he was going to say, IF he was going to say anything. All he was certain about was that he needed to see that gorgeous dark haired boy, he needed to know. Unfortunately he didn't know WHAT he needed to know.

Craig jumped at the sound of the door opening; he had been so consumed in his own thoughts that he hadn't heard the footsteps on the stairs.

"John Paul," he said in a quiet gasp. Craig felt his cheeks flush at the sight of his friend and he looked away embarrassed, certain that John Paul would be able to see inside him, see all the things he had been thinking and feeling.

"Craig." John Paul shuffled his feet uncomfortably as he looked at the ground. It had never been like this between them before. They had always been so at ease with each other but that seemed to have been stolen from them overnight.

John Paul assumed that Craig's flushed embarrassed face was due to his discomfort at seeing John Paul with Spike the previous evening.

Craig believed John Paul's awkward stance was because he knew Craig had seen him with Spike.

They were both wrong.

As Craig looked at his hands he couldn't shake the memory of lying in bed, thinking of John Paul, fantasising about John Paul and wanting John Paul.

As John Paul looked as his feet all he saw was Craig, Craig's eyes, Craig's lips, Craig in his arms and Craig in his bed.

"Coffee?" Craig jumped to his feet and headed to the kitchen needing a distraction from the heavy air that hung in the room.

"Yeah great, thanks," John Paul breathed a sigh of relief to have something to think about other than touching Craig.

---

The two men stood in silence waiting for the kettle to boil desperately trying to think of something, anything, to say to break the deadlock between them.

"Look Craig…"

"John Paul listen…"

Speaking at once the two men laughed as their words overlapped and some of the tension drained from them.

"You go…" John Paul said with a smile.

"No it's OK you…" Craig replied as he got two mugs from the cupboard.

"Well I was gonna say… err…" John Paul chewed on his lip as the searched his mind for the right words, "I mean, I… look I saw you … last night… outside the Dog… and I'm sorry, you know… if it made you feel uncomfortable or anything…"

Craig shook his head. "No, no that's OK," he insisted, "I mean I was gonna apologise for, you know, being there, I didn't want you to think I was spying on you or anything…"

"Oh right, no, well, that's OK then…."

"Yeah… as long as, well, we're alright about it…"

"Fine."

"Good."

The silence engulfed the room once more.

---

Craig's hands shook as he began to make the drinks causing the teaspoon to fall from his grip and clatter loudly to the floor.

In a perfect mirror of each other John Paul and Craig both crouched down to grab the lost cutlery, their hands meeting above the small silver spoon.

Time froze as John Paul's palm rested against the back of Craig's hand. The obvious thing would have been to move it, to get to his feet, but obvious wasn't the same as easy and John Paul remained motionless.

Craig lifted his gaze to John Paul and was instantly struck by the intensity of those gentle blue eyes looking back at him. John Paul swallowed heavily as the deep chocolate brown of Craig's stare consumed him. They both felt locked in a look that neither could tear away from.

Without conscious thought John Paul's fingers curled around Craig's hand, a hand that didn't flinch back from his touch.

Neither man could ever really say what happened next. Who initiated it, who moved first, who wanted it more. It was as if an unseen force drew them together and, still crouched in the centre of the kitchen, their mouths collided.

The kiss began clumsily, falling together as much as anything else, but within seconds it changed. John Paul's hands slipped around Craig's neck, pulling him closer, their lips melding together under the heat of their joint desires. Craig grabbed at John Paul's shoulders, holding on to the man to stop himself from falling as the feeling of John Paul's mouth against his overwhelmed him.

As their lips broke apart they fell back onto their heels flushed and panting.

"John Paul," Craig's tone was hushed and confused.

"Don't," John Paul begged pressing his fingers to Craig's lips to silence him, "Whatever you're gonna say to take that back, please don't… don't say it was a mistake… even if you think it… please just don't say it…"

Craig peeled John Paul's fingers from his lips, despite how good they felt there, how warm and soft. Craig needed to speak, he needed to say… what? Something…

"John Paul…" How many times had he said that name before? Hundreds? Thousands? He'd never really given it much thought before; it was just a name, his friend's name. So why did it feel so different now? Why did the very sound of it make his breath shake? Why did it roll around his mouth like a lovers tongue?

"John Paul…"

John Paul took a deep breath as he tried not to hear what Craig would say, as he tried to prepare himself for the rejection he knew was coming. "Don't…" he whispered in a voice that cracked with emotion.

He couldn't bare to look at Craig's face anymore, he didn't want to see the look in those gentle brown eyes as they turned him away again.

"John Paul…" Craig placed a finger under John Paul's chin and raised the blonde man's face back to his. "I don't know what's happening…" he began as he looked into tender blue eyes that were filled with tears, "Everything's so… so crazy… I can't stop thinking about you… I want… I want…"

"What Craig?" John Paul asked quietly, "What do you want?"

"You," Craig replied as the hand under John Paul's chin slipped behind his neck, "I want you."

---

This time there was no doubt who started the kiss but that seemed unimportant as they held each other tightly. The tears in John Paul's eyes tumbled down his cheeks as Craig kissed him with passion, with desire and with love.

"I don't understand…" John Paul gasped once Craig's lips had left his again.

"Nor do I," Craig admitted, "But when I saw you with Spike… I… I was jealous… I hated him touching you… kissing you… I wanted to push him away… to tell him you were mine…"

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know… I was scared…"

"And now? Are you still scared?"

"No… now I'm terrified!"

"Good… so am I!"

---

Craig wiped the tears from John Paul's cheeks and the men rose slowly to their feet, their hands reaching for each other as they stood. There was a click as the kettle came to the boil and the men both turned to look at it.

"Still want a coffee?" Craig asked with a small laugh.

"Not really," John Paul admitted. He hadn't wanted one in the first place.

"You wanna sit down?"

"Not much…"

"Go for a walk…"

"Not especially."

Craig wrapped his fingers tightly around John Paul's, he could feel the man shaking as much as he was and for some reason that was reassuring. They both knew what it was they wanted but Craig hadn't been kidding when he said he was terrified and he didn't know if he was ready to take things further.

"You wanna go to my room?" Craig was surprised to hear the words coming from his mouth, as much as he wanted it he hadn't expected to be able to verbalise the fact.

"Yeah," John Paul replied simply. It was what he wanted since the day he first laid eyes on Craig Dean and as much as his heart pounded with fear it also raced with excitement.

---

John Paul's hands cupped Craig's face gently as they stood, their eyes locked together, frozen in one perfect moment of time. After this nothing would ever be the same again and they looked at each other intensely as they prepared to say goodbye to the last moments of being simply friends and took their first steps into so much more.

Craig's lips were soft and hesitant as they pressed against John Paul's. The younger man had been certain of his feelings for a long time but for Craig it was all new. New and exciting. New and terrifying.

John Paul slowly slipped open the buttons of Craig's shirt, pushing it from his shoulders and allowing it to drop to the floor. Craig's chest was toned and lightly tanned and John Paul stroked his hands over its soft smooth surface.

Craig watched, hypnotised, as John Paul's mouth lowered to his chest, kissing him softly, his tongue running over the skin, his teeth nibbling at hardening nipples. Craig trembled at the touch as uncertainty and desire raced through him.

John Paul savoured the taste of Craig's flesh as it filled his mouth. He had never dared dream that this day was possible and his heart raced as Craig pulled him back into a deep kiss.

"Craig…" John Paul's breath came in heavy pants as he pulled back from his would-be lover's embrace, "I have to know you really want this…"

"I want… you…" Craig stumbled over his words. They both knew that this could change everything. It could be the best decision of their lives or it could ruin everything completely.

"I love you Craig…"

Craig opened his mouth to reply but at first no words came. He looked into the depths of John Paul's magnificent blue eyes and then he knew. The doubt and uncertainty seemed to fade away under that azure gaze and he knew.

"I love you to." Craig had said those words before, to others, to Sarah, but he had never meant them as undoubtedly as he did at that moment.

With a step forward Craig gripped the hem of John Paul's top and pulled it over the man's head to reveal the beautiful porcelain skin beneath.

They fell back into each other's arms, naked flesh pressing tightly together as the passion in their kiss increased, as their need for each other increased.

John Paul's arms wrapped tightly around Craig's lower half, pulling them together until the pressure in both their groins collided making them gasp. Craig's moved his hips, grinding himself hard against John Paul, his tongue pushing furiously into that delicious mouth as the fever in him rose.

John Paul pulled at Craig's belt, frantically tearing open his jeans to claim the prize inside. Craig moaned loudly, his head falling against John Paul's shoulders as the man's trembling fingers curled around him.

"Oh god… John Paul…"

A moment's doubt crept into Craig's mind. A sudden thought of "I shouldn't be doing this… it isn't right…". But another look into those sapphire eyes and all doubts were forgotten, they were falling in love, how could that ever be wrong?

John Paul guided Craig backwards to the bed, laying his dark haired Adonis down gently and pulling his jeans from his legs. He took a moment to drink in the sight lying prone before him. The perfectly toned body, muscled arms and thighs, the body he had desired for so long waiting for him, wanting him.

Quickly losing his own jeans John Paul quickly climbed onto the bed beside Craig. Craig turned to face his blonde haired beauty sighing as John Paul touched him again, his hands stroking over the man's sides, his hips, his thighs, before returning to reclaim possession of the hardness between them.

Craig moaned again as John Paul's fingers ran gently but firmly over his erection and he caught his leg around John Paul's pulling the man ever closer to him.

John Paul opened his hand wide and caught hold of his own desperately aching cock, gripping it hard against Craig's, rubbing them both together, slowly at first, savouring the feeling of the other man's hard flesh against his own, but his speed increased as their combined moans and exclamations of pleasure increased.

Craig's head swam with the intensity of sensations running through him. The feeling of John Paul's hard cock pushed up tightly against his own, the heat of it throbbing against him as John Paul's hand held them both tightly, moving faster and faster until he could take no more.

"God John Paul… John Paul…" Craig's cried were muffled as he pressed his mouth into John Paul's neck, his body convulsing as he came, his heat pouring from him and covering John Paul's tight grip and pulsing cock.

Craig's teeth sank into John Paul's neck, sending a pleasurable pain running through him and, as he moved his hand faster he called out Craig's name, his body shook with the sudden strength of his climax until his own heat mingled with Craig's and the men fell limply against each other.

---

After a while they found the small ability to move but soon realised that they were exactly where they wanted to be. Kicking at the duvet beneath them Craig pulled it free and then dragged it up until it covered their waists.

"Are you sure about this Craig?" John Paul asked as Craig rested his head against John Paul's chest, John Paul's arms strong around him.

"I've never been surer," Craig replied, brushing a soft kiss over John Paul's skin.

"It won't be easy you know…"

"I know…"

"Are you still scared?"

Craig lifted his face to John Paul's and, taking strength from those cobalt eyes he shook his head.

"Not any more," he said honestly, "Not as long as I've got you."

Craig closed his eyes and breathed in the warmth of John Paul's skin. He couldn't remember the last time he had ever felt so content. He couldn't remember IF he had ever felt so content.

"Craig d'you and John Paul fancy a cup of…" Frankie's words died on her lips as he opened her son's bedroom door. The sight that greeted her took her breath away.

Her son, her youngest child, her beautiful perfect Craig lying in the arms of a man, in the arms of his friend.

Her face blanching Frankie slammed the door closed.

"Shit!" Craig exclaimed as he jumped from the bed, dragging his jeans over his legs.

"Mum wait…" he raced into the kitchen to see his mother holding tightly to the skin, "It's not… it's alright…"

"Craig…" Frankie kept her eyes on the sink, she couldn't meet her son's gaze, "How can THAT be alright?"

"I love him mum." Craig voice was soft but the sincerity in it rang clearly.

"And I love him too," John Paul said from the doorway.

Frankie turned slowly to look at the two young men. Craig's soft brown eyes looked at her pleadingly and, as John Paul walked to his side she saw their fingers curl together in an instinctive act.

"Love?" Frankie asked, "You're just children… what do you know about love?"

"We know enough mum," Craig said, his fingers holding tightly to John Paul, "But I need your support on this… please mum… I can really be happy with John Paul… I know I can…"

Frankie turned her gaze to John Paul. She had known the young man was gay and it had never bothered her. But Craig? Her son?

And then she saw the look in John Paul's eyes as he looked at Craig, the look in Craig's as they reflected back and she knew that Craig was telling the truth.

"Oh Craig." Frankie held her arms open and her son rushed into them.

All a mother can ever ask for in life is for her children to be happy and if this young man was what made him happy how could she ever object to that?


End file.
